Happy Daze
by crusherjaneway
Summary: Dumb humor. I was tired and in need of a good writing session. RR


HAPPY DAZE...NOT by crusherjaneway  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it.  
  
Beverly Crusher sunk into her office chair after one ANNOYING patient, the kind of patient that makes a doctor wonder why they even went for medical commissions. The idiot (who had been senseless enough to turn the holodeck safeties off while in a pool simulation) had dived into the shallow end. Now, many would say that our dear Bev shouldn't be thinking that her patient was an idiot. And normally, she didn't (she'd chalk it up to misinformation about the depth of the water). But today was no ordinary day...today was the aftermath of a horrible date. Thus, Beverly's thoughts were even more acerbic than usual. At the moment, she hated anything with excessive amounts of testosterone. Too bad that her annoying patient was a man. The doctor-patient exchange went as follows:  
  
Nurse Ogawa: Doctor, he's suffered major head and neck trauma.  
  
Dr. Crusher: Keep his neck straight and begin healing.  
  
Nurse Ogawa: Aye.  
  
After a few minutes of this medical crap, our patient, Stu Piddity, woke up. Now, Stu wasn't the brightest fish in the sea, or the sharpest tack in the box. He was mad that the holodeck hurt him. His outburst is characteristic of your everyday jackass who loves to piss off sensible doctors (but is too ignorant to realize he's doing it).  
  
Stu: Where in the hell am I?  
  
Dr. Crusher: You're in sickbay. You're going to be-  
  
Stu: I'm not supposed to be in sickbay. I was in the holodeck.  
  
Dr. Crusher: Yes, but you got injur-  
  
Stu: Listen, bitch. I was on the holodeck. You know what that means? (Pause, Bev starts but he cuts her off) That means I'm always safe. I can't get hurt. NEVER.  
  
Dr. Crusher: You had the safeties off. And you were swimming. The possibility of becoming wounded is increased tenfold by just those two in combination.  
  
Stu: What does "tenfold" mean?  
  
(Dr. Crusher rolls her eyes.)  
  
Dr. Crusher: Alyssa, take care of him.  
  
Nurse Ogawa: Aye.  
  
That was all that happened up to this point, when Bev is sitting in her chair. The only good news is that she only had five minutes left in her shift. (It was an uneventful day in sickbay) Bev was counting down the minutes when:  
  
Captain: Picard to Crusher.  
  
Dr. Crusher: Crusher here, Captain.  
  
Captain: We're having an advance on tomorrow's senior staff meeting.  
  
Dr. Crusher: Why?  
  
Captain: Well, Data said his schedule is too full. First, he's in the ship concert, then he has to go to Spot's Lamaze class, and finally, he's teaching the painting class later.  
  
Dr. Crusher: And we're changing our meeting time because?  
  
Captain: Doctor, we both know that Data has a very busy schedule.  
  
Now, any other day, Bev would be perfectly fine with this. But remember, she LOATHES testosterone. Her love for Jean-Luc keeps her from biting his head off.  
  
Dr. Crusher: I'm coming Jean-Luc.  
  
~~IN THE STAFFROOM~~  
  
Beverly is walking in. She is fuming; at the moment she not only hates testosterone but also Data's shim cat. (Ever notice how Data's cat was a he, then a she? Data's really smart; shouldn't he have caught that little detail?) She gets in...and they aren't in the room. Everything is dark, and Bev demands that the room be filled to full illumination.  
  
Beverly: Computer, lights.  
  
Senior staff + Wesley: Surprise!  
  
Beverly: What's going on?  
  
Wesley: Mom, you've been frazzled since your blind date last night. So Deanna and I decided to make you feel better!  
  
Beverly: Uh...  
  
Picard: Anything for our doctor.  
  
Beverly wakes up covered in sweat. She wonders if it is possible that such a horrible thing could ever happen to her in the waking world. Then she goes back to sleep. Meanwhile, Stu Piddity is going swimming.  
  
Hope it's not too dumb for those of you who hate dumb humor. Just something I wrote while I was mad and tired. If you think it's dumb, then go ahead and say so-I can't regulate everything on the net...just please don't flame this to the point of making me cry! 


End file.
